I completely understand not wanting to believe in God. But to say you believe in God and live contrary to his truth is ludicrous. Without God it’s fine to do whatever you want. However, when living for God; the way we may live in our Godless life would be put aside. We lay out our garbage at Christ feet and he cleanses us. We don’t continue living in the dumpster. You are so much more than you realize! Stop living the lie.